it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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