I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
