It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
