I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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