i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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