it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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