I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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