Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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