i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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