Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
