just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
