but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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