I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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