i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Randomize
