i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
