i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
