Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
