How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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