I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
