How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
