After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
