Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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