how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
