I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
