like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
