So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
