So drunk its hurt
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she smelled like a LAN party
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
