He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
