the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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