Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
