U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
