Screwed.edu
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
