worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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