We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
