I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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