He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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