Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
