??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
