You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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