Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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