Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
