did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
