we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
