I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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