I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
