it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize