Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
