Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
