Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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