I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
