Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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