Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
