I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just cropdusted the office
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
