chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
last night I used snow as a chaser
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
