Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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