He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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