Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
