you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
