i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
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being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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