She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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