Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
