I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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