I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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